I'm back.  I'll figure what to start typing here.  I have no clue presently but I'll figures something.  The year is 2014.  It's 7 years later.  I'm somehow different but also quite the same.  We'll chat soon.

On the train...

Ok, dig this if you can dig it. I was moving through the subterranean arteries of the Big Apple via the ever vigilant and always reliable iron horse. You know what I'm saying right? I was riding the train. I had a meeting, the business type, in upper Manhattan. Way upper actually. Took the 7 to the 6 to the stop to get there and meant to make the same trip home in reverse. It wasn't to be that day, however, because someone decided to start a fire beneath the Gotham streets henceforth making the first leg of my journey home an impossibility along that particular artery. Never fear though, I walked a few blocks in one of the compass directions and found another line to get me home. I cought a 1 or a 9 and headed south for a spell and found my way back to the 7. In the car and sitting across from me was a trio of rather attractive women to whom I gave a passing glance, noted their aesthetics and continued to read the tome I had with me at that time ( a rather large book about the Civil War, if you were interested). So I'm sitting there, right, making all scholarly and I get the feeling to look up. Low and behold a member of that previously mentioned trio was staring at me. Or at least I though she was. I continued to read my volume and figured I'd check for the spectator once more. That I did and spectator I found. She was drilling into my skull with her eyes and not in that "you sir are an oddity" kind of way either. It was more of a "i'd like to taste you" kind of way. Fancy that. Anyway, as I had been sitting for most of the day I decided to get up and lean on one of the poles. I kept reading, the train kept moving and low and behold she kept staring. So i'm buried in my book when we come to the next stop. I heard the doors open and then a few seconds later I heard the door begin to close. With the sound of shutting doors came the sound of my spectator's friends, from outside of the train. She was so focused on me that she didn't notice that her friends had abandoned her. Unfortunately, she wasn't quick enough to get off the train. So, maybe you're wondering now if I tried to get her number or even spoke to her? No, I just kept reading. Maybe next time.

The Rock or How I got chased by apes in Spain.

A few years ago my brother and I travelled to Spain. It was in that strange time after September 11th when you could leave the country but only after running a gauntlet replete with men armed with machine guns and security agents demanding that you remove entirely too many articles of clothing. It was more surreal than discomfiting and camouflaged people with automatic weapons didn't make me feel any more secure. At any rate, after the gauntlet and an aeroplane ride we arrived safely.

Southern Spain isn't exactly jumping in January but we had a car, a map and nothing better to do than to drive around a bit. And drive we did. Right to a place called Gibraltar; a little coastal town where the main road goes right through the airport, the people are half British/half Spaniard and towering above, visible from everywhere is a small mountain reasonably named the Rock of Gibraltar. Sometimes called the Pillar of Hercules it served as a fortress for the British against the Spanish in the 1700's and for the Allies against the Axis in the 1900's. It's big, it's beautiful and if you can get to the top on a clear day you can see right across to Africa.

It happened to be a clear day when we went up the rock and were subsequently chased off of it. After buying some provisions we took a gondola to the top and found the highest point which happened to be the roof of a small nondescript building which had a snack bar and some coin operated binoculars. After taking some pictures and gazing out across the Mediterranean my brother and I decided to have some of the chocolate we had bought earlier. Unfortunately, my brother didn't get to taste his as it was stolen by a three foot tall furry primate. Forgive me, I didn't tell you about the primates. The top of the Rock of Gibraltar is inhabited by a small population of Barbary Macaques known locally as Gibraltar Rock Apes. They mind their business and aren't so aloof as not to allow the occasional photo op. Here's how my brother lost his candy.

We were standing near the edge of the roof, over by the binoculars. My brother began to open his candy and the sound of the foil wrapping got the attention of a near by ape. The ape sprang off the steps he was sitting on and began running toward my brother and I. Being the first time either of us had a wild animal running in our direction we made like deers in headlights. The fear of being mauled or eaten by this heretofore pleasant creature was shortly relieved, however. The beast, when he got near to us, leaped into the air snatching my brothers treat and landed on the ledge to enjoy it in front of us. My brother was fuming and mumbling something about pushing the ape off the ledge. I couldn't really respond seeing as I was laughing so hard I could hardly breath.

After leaving the building we turned around to see the rock apes that lined the roof top. My brother was a bit mad, what with being mugged by an ape and all, so I, being the thoughtful older brother came up with an idea for some retribution. The apes were on top of the building which was about three stories high. The side of the building was sheer and seemingly impossible to climb down even for a monkey so I figured I could wave my chocolate at the apes and crumple the foil wrapper to mock them. They would never be able to get us. With chocolate in hand I did mock. For my brother and everyone else who had been accosted by a Rock Ape. The apes heard my chocolate insult, however, and responded.

Slowly they turned their attention towards us and one by one made their move. They ran down the wall. That wall, that sheer un-descendable wall was the keystone of my master plan and they defeated it. Before we knew it we were running from about fifteen chocolate hungry primates. Though a mess of uncontrollable laughter and fear of ape bite we were able to pull each other and ran as fast as we could. I don't know how far we ran or for how long but the beasties eventually gave up the chase. My brother and I continued and walked all the way to our car which was parked at the base of the rock. It was a long walk but we had chocolate for sustenance. That's right, I never let it go. Those apes would have had to catch me and kill me for my Cadbury's.

Sorry for the delay...

It's been a long time,
I shouldn't have left you
Without a strong rhyme to step to
Think of how many weak shows you slept through
Time's up, I'm sorry I kept you
- Rakim

New Posts Coming Soon......

Almost 500 Words....

Some flash-fiction I wrote in the cube...

Three roommates had just pooled their funds to buy a brand new Magnavox 500 AM/FM hi-fi receiver for their small lower east side apartment. The place was a four story walk up in a decent neighborhood that had a new Frigidaire and a gas range. As modern conveniences went the radio was a needed addition and it was a wondrous bit of technology. It was beautiful with a mahogany finish, beige speakers and onyx colored knobs for volume, tuning, loudness and bass/treble. The quick talking salesman at P.C. Richard and Son had assured them that the set would pick up NBC, CBS and even Dupont and that due to the quality and clarity if they listened to broadcasts from Radio City they’d think Glenn Miller and his band was right in the parlor with them. When they got it home the three had compromised on what program they would listen to first. The Jack Benny program was a favorite but so was The Shadow and X-minus One and of course they all aired at the same time. So, following a completely scientific method of elimination utilizing a rock, paper and scissors the three choices of comedy, detective story and science fiction were reduced to one. The three would sit and enjoy Jack Benny’s comedic styling on the National Broadcast Company’s station. Though two out of three roommates had not chosen Mr. Benny’s program they did admit that it would be a well received break from reality. What with the Japs bombing Pearl and the Krout’s making like Genghis Khan all over Europe a bit of comedy was necessary. When Jack Benny came on the three sat around the radio lounging in cheap folding chairs, each man with a lit Lucky Strike and a bottle of Miller High Life. They laughed at the antics all the while making side comments to each other until suddenly the show was interrupted by a high pitched chime like sound. The roommates looked at each other and one turned the radio off. The chime sounded again just as the tallest of them went to the kitchen and retrieved a leather attaché case. They huddled around as he opened the bag, pulled a black rectangular object from inside and placed it on the coffee table. He pressed a small button to open it as one of the men made a comment about Sony making cheap laptops and Toshiba being more suited to this manner of work. When the system booted and passwords were entered their assignment popped up on the screen. The general consensus after reading the document was that the mission was a whopper, they’d discuss it after Jack Benny and a few more Miller’s and that beyond the shadow of a doubt time travel was never without a dull moment.

Another misadventure...

Bored and come to vist me again? I appreciate that. Well, since you're here I'd better regail you with a strange tale from the annals of my misadventures. A few years ago I was a waiter, a culinary recommendation specialist if you will. You won't? I understand. Early in a shift one evening I arrived at one of my tables to find a polite middle aged couple in the mood for some vittles. Nothing terribly out of the ordinary, that is, until the fairer component of the duo proceeded to make a request, a request for plastic utensils. Why? She requested plastic utensils because she was allergic to metal, so allergic in fact that any contact could kill her. Of course, after she said that I did exactly what you would have done; I hit her with a barrage of questions. I gathered that the lady wore gloves to protect her hands, drove a custom car that was devoid of metal and lived in a house with not a single alloy to offend her. Nothing too strange, right? Just a lady who sat in a long black trench coat, wore white gloves and humbly requested a dining experience sans metal. Who cares that she reminded me of a comic book super villain? Just a normal person with a peculiar ailment right? Wrong. Here's were it got just plain weird. When it was time to deal with the damage the woman paid me in brand new, crisp and clean $2 bills. That's a true story.

A Quote from the Cube Farm...

It was a stressful day for your favorite demagogue. I managed, through a complex bit of ball dropping, to lose $21000 of my company's money. The tongue lashing that one expects after such a bungle was nowhere to be found so for that I feel blessed. However, though not chewed out, I still felt a bit off kilter after the morning's events so I decided to partake in that more dangerous of stress relievers, the Camel light. A colleague of mine, the only one who smokes "real" cigarettes (as in, not menthol) was good enough to give me the aforementioned tightly wrapped carcinogen. As we smoked under the dreary late morning sky we spoke of his pending wedding that is but a scant nine days from now and in the direction that conversations between men about nuptials tend inevitably to go, we began to joke about possible pre-vow dalliances. Naturally my colleague has a candidate for such a dalliance. She is fair and pretty, gentle and sweet and is, to quote the vernacular, wife material. After laughing about the possibilities we both agreed that to stray sounds like fun but is, in essence, opening Pandora's box. At this point, my soon to be betrothed fellow cubicle dweller referred to an enjoyable experience that could prove dangerous in the following manner:

"...it's like having a shotgun in my mouth, but I like the taste of the metal."